Listen to the song here in my heart = Listen to who I am inside. Who I am. Not who you wish me to be. Not what the world expects me to be. But who I am.

A melody I start, but can’t complete = I have started to be me when I was a child, but I couldn’t complete me because the world didn’t listen to me, to my real me.
They showed me how they wanted me to be. They held up a mirror of how I should be, how my family wants me, how society wants me … the picture is distorted.
It’s what you made of me, not who I really am.

Listen to the sound from deep within = But my real me is still there, just buried. The real self does not die. It waits. Sometimes for decades. It waits for safety, for space, for permission to finally be.
And in quiet times it reminded me of myself, but I didn’t know what to do with it because it was deep inside and the outside was powerful and strong.
But then … it gets louder and louder when the cost of suppressing it becomes greater than the cost of expressing it. Until …

It’s only beginning to find release = But I can’t continue like this. The inside got louder with time. And now is the moment to release. The door of the prison opened. Careful at first, like feeling the temperature outside. But eventually, you fully step outside into the wide world. Taking a deep breath of fresh air.

They will not be pushed aside and turned = And then you will run free, enjoy the warmth of the sun on your skin, enjoy the raindrops in your face, enjoy feeling the wind, smelling the air, touching the sand, the grass … being alive.

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home =
I lived a life that I thought was mine, but I didn’t. I lived the life other people created for me.

And I’ve tried and tried
To say what’s on my mind =
And I have tried so hard to tell everyone who I really am and show myself and be accepted for who I am. But people don’t listen.
And I tried and tried their way all my life. But it caused me so much pain. They were happy with me, yes. But I was not.
There is nothing more exhausting than playing roles to make others happy but losing yourself.
Others, who … most of the time, don’t even stay in your life in the long run. Once you stop abiding by their rules or do things your way, they turn their backs.
No real relationships (romantic, family, friends, work …) can be built on this kind of foundation.

The interesting part is, the people who really care about you, they want you happy and they want you to be fully yourself, even if it’s not the way they expected it to be.
We think we help the situation by abiding by their rules to make them happy. And on the surface they may look like they are, but deep inside they feel your unhappiness and struggles and wish you wouldn’t have to go through them.

Everyone who gets offended by you trying to be true to yourself are not your people. And even if you may have thought they care about you, they may never have. Their own image was more important.
Your world becomes fake on all levels. And deep inside you know it. And you suffer, because you wish people would see the truth.
Love and connection are never earned. Never earned! They simply exist. And if I have to start earning it, it was never genuine in the first place, it was conditional.

So now I’m at a crossroads and have to decide. =
The life you lived was real. But it wasn’t fully yours. It was built partly from expectations, partly from adaptation, partly from survival. And now you see the gap between:
who you became and who you actually are.
This creates grief. But also freedom at the same time. Because now, choice becomes conscious. Before, you followed default pathways. Now, you choose direction and can become the author of your own life.

Do I continue playing it safe to fit in … or do I take a turn and become true to myself and live the life I was meant to live.

Now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling =
You cannot tell me who I am. You don’t have my brain, you don’t have my experiences. Everyone is unique in their own way. And isn’t that the beautiful part of life?
Imagine everyone would be the same. How boring would life be? So why would I want to change you? Just come as you are. And accept me as I am. Why play games? Just be honest. Why don’t you try to learn “me,” and I would love to learn “you.”
Who knows what we find in each other that can create powerful outcomes when combined. Not overwritten.

I’m more than what you made of me

We are taught from birth … our place in this world … or rather, we are made to believe that this is our place. Society holds up mirrors, parents hold up mirrors, environment holds up mirrors … but those are distorted.
They are just reflecting their own limitations. And their own ceilings and capabilities.
But yours and mine are different than theirs. And it may take a while to realize what you are actually capable of once you ignore the ceiling others set for you.
When you start looking outside of the box they put you in. When you do things out of the common.
You have your own problem-solving skills, creativity, pattern recognition, emotional intelligence, perceiving things others never saw because they don’t have your sensitivity … you find solutions no one ever thought of … and yet, you play their game.

So why do you let yourself be limited by their ceiling? You have to become sensitive and get to know your own!

You should have listened =
And once you understood that their ceiling is not yours and you unfold …
you wish you had done this earlier. And they will wish they had listened to you earlier.
Once you let out what you were meant for, you will see why … all the beautiful things that will happen.

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died =
With time we are made to believe this is who we are … we are dying inside, we think this is life and that’s all. Just get through it somehow … but it’s not.
This is not your life. All you have to do is open your eyes, be courageous and trust the process.

I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be moving on =
And at the beginning it is scary. You don’t know if you can do it. But you can. Truth always wins over time.

It’s ok to not know … it’s ok to be scared … but courage is to move anyway.
Because no change will ever happen trying to fix things the same way over and over again. And how ironic is it that we try to fix our situations with the same tools every single time and then wonder why the outcome is never different. Because you used their tools! You will have to find your own. From your mind, from the truth deep down inside, not the one they made you believe.

No matter how small my steps … I will be moving towards myself. As long as it is going in the right direction.
And everyone who is trying and keeps moving forward has my highest respect. No matter which stage you are in.
Staying put, though, is the easy option. Settling is an easy option. But it will never make you happy. And neither the people around you in the end.
Because you will make others suffer around you with your own unhappiness, and no one is showing them that it can be done differently and everyone stays stuck.

You are not helping anyone by staying small. Not yourself, not your friends, not your family, not society …
Taking responsibility for your growth and visibility takes courage. But the reward is beyond measure.

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete =
Now I’m done believing you and I start to believe in myself. And I go my way. And I start seeing all the things I had inside of me that I didn’t even know existed …
And I’m amazed and in awe and grateful beyond measure for the things I find, and I’m curious to see what else is still hiding and how everything will unfold.

I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own.

We get shown those limitations so often that we end up believing them and think that this is who we are and this is all we can do, or this is all what we are supposed to do. That we should be and do like everyone else, because we think we are depending on them.
No great things have ever been achieved by staying at the same level as everyone else.
And sometimes it needs just one person to rise and show others what is possible.

There was never anything wrong with your melody.
It was never incomplete.
It was waiting for you to listen.

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Update 15.1.25:
I don’t know what the songwriter was writing about when thinking about this song, but when I came across this song, this is what I heard …

I’ll overcome. = I’m learning and I’m healing and I will get there.
Silent songs I’ll be humming on ‘Til you sing along = And then I will simply exist … and when you see me maybe you will get inspired to do the same
Come as you are , ignited … = show me your true self, shine, and don’t be afraid to do so. I’ll be there to see you and I’m not leaving.
Some lights are a different kind, never burning out = you are allowed to be different from others, shining bright not hiding … and it’s a good thing!
Do you ever wonder what it’s like losing what you cannot be without? = This one is really big. We are losing who we really are pretending to be fine, but in the end we can not live well without our true soul showing.
I’ll keep running = because what will happen then, is that we will keep on feeling empty inside and keep on running, trying to fill the void with all the wrong things that may bring temporary relief but never peace.
We have come to far to let go = Once you have seen your truth, you can not unsee it .. and you can not go back and shrink yourself again.
Don’t let go = Never forget that you are strong and that you will succeed in the end

Original lyrics:
I’ll overcome
Silent songs I’ll be humming on
‘Til you sing along
Come as you are, ignited
Some lights are a different kind
Never burning out

Darkness and dust
Quiet shadows are dancing now
Asking for my hand
I’m hanging on fine
I’m trying to make sense of it all
Trying to understand

Do you ever wonder what it’s like
Losing what you cannot be without?
I’ll keep running

I’ll try
I’ll overcome
Fading stars echo
Reminding us they know
We’ve come too far to let go
Don’t let go

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Original post: We all have songs that hold special meaning for us … songs that remind us of certain situations, people, or feelings.

In this category, I will collect titles of songs that deeply influenced me in my work with neurodivergent and traumatized children, as well as in my personal life. I will also explain why they hold this place for me.

Most of these songs revolve around the topic of identity, because when we peel away all the behaviors and coping mechanisms and learning difficulties we see on the outside …
this is the core issue we are dealing with when it comes to these children and grown up children. Losing sight of who we really are and the consequences it brings with it.

Maybe some of you will recognize themselves in the songs … or perhaps they will bring you a sense of comfort or soothing.

I will update this post whenever I remember a song or discover a new one.

I will start with the most powerful one for me personally:

When I heard this song for the first time I think I listened to it nonstop for 3 days straight and couldn’t stop crying for the entire 3 days.

It came at a time when I had overcome my trauma and had finally understood who I am inside and what I am here on earth to do.

I had just started Wild Minds and my work at the schools and privately has taken another level. Schools have heard about my impact …
People started knowing my name and calling me to help their child instead of me having to run behind them to beg them to get a diagnosis for their child in school so they could finally get the help they deserved.
I was in a good place ..

But listening to this was the final healing needed: The acknowledement of all the work I had done to get here… now being unable to unsee the truth anymore. And now I’m honoring all this by using my experience to help others…

Because who you are has always been inside of you.
We are just starting to protect ourselves, thinking that if we hide who we really are inside, we are helping ourselves to survive, shielding ourselves from pain and rejection.
But we are not… In the end, unknowingly, we amplify it.

I got to be me. There is no other way. Losing ourselves, living somebody else’s life … leads to excruciating pain, regret and resentment, hopelessness, lonliness, feeling broken, too damaged to be “fixed”, like being a bad person who only causes trouble to others, no self worth, feeling of never being enough, difficulty feeling real joy, not daring to be happy because already anticipating the next blow, believing you don’t deserve, believing you don’t belong, this need for control, not standing up for your rights, no self respect, no self value, no self confidence, chosing people who don’t chose you, losing your boundaries and values, shrinking yourself, people pleasing, perfectionism, ignoring your own needs, putting others above you, exhaustion, constant stress, inflammation, depression, anxiety … and I could keep writing till tomorrow….

You hide the pain, but it’s leeking through sideways, …
And the behaviors that come with this, I see every single day in the schools, with friends, people on the street … everywhere.

For me, having had a good look at myself, seeing where I was playing small, hiding to protect myself, learning about my values, my non negotiables in life, my strengths, my needs … becoming the person I wish I had as a child, was the biggest aspect to healing myself.

So … here I am now, fighting for others, who are in the place I have been and want to come out on the other end. Fighting for the kids to not even get to that place to start with.

This is who I am. And now I can’t look back anymore. I grieve the time I lost, but I’m deeply grateful for finally having the clarity… so I can help others who are walking the same path… but especially help preventing children to have to walk the same path!

Lyrics … Who I am – Wyn Starks

I’ve been closing the door
All my life, held it in but not anymore
Got two feet on the floor
This is it, I’m stronger than ever before

Pardon my imposition
But this is my conviction
I need to get this off my mind

Chorus:
I gotta be me, gotta be I
Gotta be who I know I am inside
Can finally breathe, taking it in
Look at me flying!

It’s always been there, it just took me a minute to find it
If I were to be anybody else, I’d just be hiding
Who I am
Who I am

Lookin’ back, back on a little boy
Never gave him a chance to ever be more
I didn’t love him but I’m gonna love him right now and forever
It’s time to push open the door

Chorus

Gotta be me, gotta be I
Gotta be who I know I am inside
Can finally breathe, taking it in
Look at me flying!

It’s always been there, it just took me a minute to find it
If I were to be anybody else, I’d just be hiding
Who I am
Who I am

It’s always been there, it just took me a minute to find it
Who I am, yeah