𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦, 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

I was thinking about if I should post this or not …
People will say it is too long and heavy. But this is exactly the point.
If reading about it feels too much, imagine being a 12 years old girl and living it every single day.

𝑆𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠 …

I’m working in different settings… preschool, primary, lower secondary, upper secondary, university students … but I also deal with the teachers (often fresh from university), experienced teachers, as well as parents. So I see the whole nine yards when it comes to development.

𝐈 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐃 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭.

It gives me a daily reminder of what happens to these children if not supported right during childhood and how they carry everything into adulthood and how in the end everything falls apart at times.

They survive (if you can call it like that), they don’t thrive – 𝐈𝐅 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬.

Because lately I have heard so much about attempted suicides from just the kids around me that I’m working with that I’m starting to have a hard time… I don’t even want to know what’s happening on the big scale.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐈’𝐦 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠:
𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒, 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔.
________________________________________

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞’𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬.
They pretend… everything.

To have money (buying things out of their league just to look good in front of others),

to have the looks (even if helped by surgery),

to have the perfect family (social media happy-puppy looks and behind the scenes they almost kill each other)…

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬.
𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡?

𝐵𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛…
with appearance comes connection…
with “hey, look at my amazing husband/wife/kids”… we seek connection from others.

𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

Survival mechanisms to live in society if we want to strip it all down in the end.
The cool kid in school… I can guarantee you is the one hurting the most.

𝐖𝐡𝐲? 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲.
Because it doesn’t give us real connection, does it?

People that come into your life for money will leave once your money is gone.

The ones who come for your appearance will get bored of it and find the next one.

The ones who come for your status… the ones who come for the fake social appearance…

Just masks, fake connections that will leave at any time … All the lies are felt.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞.

You can’t attract anything real into your life if you don’t give real. And you have to live a life that is not yours and you are hurting because you yourself are going against your own core values .. and are accepting people abusing your core values and boundaries.

𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 we 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑦 we 𝑎𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ.

________________________________________

So now these young and old people come to see me.

And I don’t care about who they are or what they do.
I care about what’s inside.
𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝐼 𝑠𝑒𝑒…

Once people find someone who genuinely listens
and they open their hearts
and become honest with themselves and the world…
and they say it out loud…
The things you hear…

On the outside they function more or less well… at least on the surface.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞:
“I can’t live like this. Life is hard. Better to die than live with this pain…”

“I can’t cope anymore. I don’t understand people. The world is cruel. The world is better without me and I’m better without the world. Please forgive me God for what I’m about to do. I’m just hurting.”
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𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬:
“I want the pain to stop.
I’m a horrible person.
I don’t deserve people being nice.”

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫.
She had intrusive thoughts because her parents wanted to buy her a jacket.

She felt she was such a horrible person she didn’t deserve this and her mood shifted from being happy to shame and sadness and down the spiral goes.

𝑃𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑒𝑖𝑟𝑑.
𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝟏𝟐 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬.

Knowing that she is different, feels deeply, too sensitive, communicates differently… she had to come up with masks and coping strategies to survive the pain that came with thinking differently.

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𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 …
(specific to her, but in some shape or form found in most female ADHD profiles):

𝟏. 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠
She pretends to be “fine”, adapts to what others expect, copies others’ behavior and communication, hides emotional overwhelm, and forces herself to appear “normal” to avoid judgment, rejection, or being seen as “weird.”
If she would not mask, she gets labeled as “too much.”
Feeling too much, talking too much, moving too much, laughing too much…
whatever her real character underneath is.

𝟐. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬
Changing boyfriends every couple of weeks seeking validation that she is worth something.
A desperate need for external validation.
An attempt to soothe the internal belief that she is “not good enough.”

Searching for someone who actually understands her or makes her feel valued ( but hasn’t found yet and won’t find until she stops the masks or gets the rare occasion to come across somebody like her who sees through her masks)).
Trying to fill the emotional emptiness created by years of masking and dopamine-seeking.

𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠 = 𝑒𝑥𝑐𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 = 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑟𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑓
( notice… “temporary!!”)

𝟑. 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦
She is cutting (in the past and likely still at risk) and uses pain to feel “alive”, because she feels emotional numbness. Cutting gives her a dopamine hit, relief from internal chaos, control over pain when everything else feels uncontrollable.

She says she stopped cutting, but I’m not quiet believing it for different reasons. Children that cut will cut in places where you don’t see it …

In the early stages it’s usually the arms, thighs … but when the shame about it arises it becomes hidden .. inner thighs, private parts, under bra straps … you get the picture which makes it very hard to verify.

𝟒. 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐬𝐞
She numbs her emotions through endless scrolling.
TikTok/social media to feel something — anything.
Flooding her brain with stimulation to avoid intrusive thoughts, chase dopamine, escape emotional pain, and disconnect from the internal narrative:
“I’m a horrible person.”

𝟓. 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠
She helps others solve problems, is “the listener”, tries to be useful, overgives.

𝑊ℎ𝑦?
Because if she becomes “the helper,” maybe people will like her.
Maybe they won’t reject her.
Maybe she won’t be a burden.
Classic for ADHD girls with RSD and poor self-worth.

𝟔. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐥
She assumes she’s at fault.
Believes she “brings problems.”
Takes responsibility for others’ emotions.
Believes she doesn’t deserve good things.

𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑦-𝑙𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙 𝑐𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑔𝑦:
If everything is my fault, at least I understand the world.
It creates predictability in a world that feels unpredictable.

𝟕. 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐥
She shuts down when overwhelmed, can’t articulate what she feels and gives random answers when pressured (especially by her parents).

Which frustrated the parents but it’s literally her brain going offline. Withdrawal protects her from exploding or being punished.

𝐼𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑓𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.

𝟖. 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡-𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤 / 𝐚𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬
In her case she got involved in a certain group of people that provided a sense of belonging and intense stimulation. Adrenaline.

Teenage ADHD kids often gravitate towards high stimulation, intense peers or environments … emotionally charged environments. This makes them feel “alive” again (dopamine seeking).

This is not bad per se … but you have to transform this trait into something useful rather than destroying.

𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑡.

𝟗. 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠
She tries different personas (kind, romantic, rebellious, tough, emotional…)
and tests different social groups
𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑘.

So she tries on identities like outfits
to find one that comes close to her true self
while still being accepted.
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𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞𝐬 …
and very common in ADHD / AuDHD kids, especially girls.

She was diagnosed with depression… that’s it.
𝐴 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑔𝑛𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝐴𝐷𝐻𝐷 / 𝐴𝑢𝐷𝐻𝐷 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛.

She got supplements and therapy once a month and the parents got told she will get better alone, she will grow out of it.
𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 .. 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭.

𝐼𝑓 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑔𝑛𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛/𝑎𝑛𝑥𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑦…
𝑔𝑜 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑠𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝐴𝐷𝐻𝐷 𝑜𝑟 𝐴𝑢𝐷𝐻𝐷 – 𝑖𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑏𝑒 𝑎 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑎.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥, 𝐈 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 … 𝐀𝐮𝐃𝐇𝐃.

You can take all medication on the planet … when the root cause is not treated. And you will never get to the roots if you don’t care about the child.

𝑀𝑎𝑦 𝑖𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑎 𝑛𝑒𝑢𝑟𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑐 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡.

No child ever woke up in the morning and said let’s make people’s life miserable. How can I be more defiant today, more sensitive today, have more meltdowns today .. just for the fun of it.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞 … 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧
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𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 it’s small accommodations during childhood.

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞…
it needs love, understanding and connection.

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𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑛 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝐼 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒,
just to get a call in the evening from the same person
that they are on the way to a bridge…

Pretending to be fine just to make others happy.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞… 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.

How are you helping others or making others happy by sacrificing yourself?

You cannot give what you don’t have inside yourself.
You cannot give energy if you don’t have any.
You cannot give love if you don’t have any inside for yourself.
How can you respect others if you don’t even respect yourself?

𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐭.
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𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝐼 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑛:

• rich people lose everything with one investment mistake … and the “friends and even family” left with it
• beautiful people get into an accident, their face changes, and the “friends” disappear
• perfect social-media couples … and three days later talk to the wife or husband about how life at home is hell

𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞
and put you in the situations you are in so you recognize yourself and
so you will find your right people.

𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝
𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.
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Children start hiding behind masks
to hide their pain, hurt, fears, confusion, and inner chaos.

They fight to be accepted for who they are,
but their voice gets lower and lower with the years of putting on masks

𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 …
𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬.

Like a candle deprived of oxygen,
the light becomes smaller… and smaller…
until it dies.

Abuse.
Depression.
Frustration.
Anger.
Violence.
Suicidal thoughts…

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐅 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲…

someone comes into their life
and shows them that it doesn’t have to be this way.

Then comes relief.
Hope.
Fear … but courage.

Because once you’ve seen the truth,
you can’t unsee it.

With courage comes change.
And with change comes greatness.

𝑈𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑢𝑥𝑢𝑟𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑛.

This is why raising awareness in this area is so important.
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𝐓𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤
I got her the right support and accommodations.

And I told her about my own life
to give her hope about the strengths she has inside of her
and how strong she really is inside.

I showed her how to turn her negative thoughts around.

I taught her sensory mindfulness
and how to switch narratives
(I created a worksheet for her based on Byron Katie’s “The Work” … teenager version).

After our session it was the first time I saw genuinely smile …
I saw her relief and the hope.

And she asked if she could keep the worksheet in her pocket.

I told her that I will not tell her that everything will be fine and also not that things will be easy. Because they are not.
And if everything will be fine will depend on if she will put in the effort or not, but I’m here all the way with her.

She told me this is the first time somebody honestly tells her that. People always tell her everything will be fine, but what do they know? It’s just a general answer and she hates it because it’s fake.
Yes, I get that.

Honesty … understanding … seeing through the defenses … caring … connecting … and genuinely wanting to be there for the child until their own wings can unfold …

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I will make a separate post on how we worked on this,
with examples,
in case you would like to try it yourself.

𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧…
Be proud of who you are.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 … 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰.
Do the work, and you will finally be able to breathe.

𝐼𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑦 … 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑘𝑖𝑑𝑠 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑦. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑑. 𝐵𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 ❤

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞.