TL;DR:
1 Trying to help a 15-year-old traumatized boy by offering free boxing lessons.
2 Excitement turns to rejection the moment he hears it’s free “I don’t need charity.”
3 He wasn’t rejecting help, but protecting his pride and sense of control.
4 The fear of needing anyone, born from survival.
5 Many trauma-experienced and neurodivergent kids equate dependence with danger.
6 Real strength isn’t in doing everything alone; it’s in having the courage to receive.

Today I made a mistake.
A big one.
And I’m angry at myself for not having gone about it differently,
because I should have known better.

You see, I have one heavily traumatized 15-year-old boy in my care.
He learned, with his short life experience, that it’s better to stay alone.
Other people hurt you, they are unpredictable, you can’t trust them.

He is proud of his independence… not having to “need anyone.”

But the lack of love and connection, and carrying all the weight of the world alone on his shoulders, shows sideways
in anger issues.
Hitting walls, kicking chairs,
shouting at people,
exhaustion,
tired… mentally and physically.
Feeling lonely because nobody understands what you have been through, having to be strong all the time, when sometimes the body and mind just need rest.
Don’t show weakness.
Be in control!

He used to love boxing, and it helped him to regulate a lot.
But he had to stop it because he couldn’t afford the classes.
His parents were not in the picture … at least not the way they should be.

So, I talked to my boxing coach, and he agreed to teach him for free in his team.

I was happy like a little unicorn and couldn’t wait to tell him the news.
I thought he would be excited to be able to train again.

But then this happened…

When I told him about the boxing, his face lit up first.
He asked me when, where, how, who with… he was excited.
Then his face changed a little bit, and he asked how much it is.

And there was my mistake…
I told him it’s free.

His smile vanished within a second.
He said, “Yeah, no thank you. I don’t need charity.”

I told him it’s not charity. The club is sponsored, and no child is paying except for a small inscription fee, which is not significant if he wants to pay it himself.

But it was already too late.
He completely blocked.

And there went the chance for the kid to be helped with his emotional regulation.

In that moment, I told myself I should have known better than presenting it like this.

First …  because I know him.
And second, because I know myself …

In that moment I recognized my younger self … the one who carried everything alone because she thought she had to.
And I realized how similar we both were.

I used to think asking for help or accepting it made me weak,
like I was giving away my independence.
It came with shame and guilt … like I wasn’t strong enough to handle things on my own.

So I would rather die than ask for help or take it when offered.
I was proud of being so strong and independent, just like him.

That belief runs deep when you’ve had to survive on your own strength early on and for too long.

Many neurodivergent and trauma-experienced children are like this.
They’ve learned early that depending on others can be risky.
They fight for control, not because they don’t want connection,
but because it once cost them too much.

But with time, you pay a price for it.
The exhaustion that comes with it will lead you to roads you don’t want to go down.
And I don’t want him to go down that road.

The man he will become deserves so much better.

Sometimes it takes more bravery to receive than to fight.
I have learned that asking for help doesn’t take my freedom away …
it gives me a choice.
Before, I had no choice — I just struggled alone.

Now I know I can stand on my own, because I know I’m strong.
And if I want to, I can do it alone…
but I don’t have to. It’s easier to do do life when you don’t have to fight it alone.

It takes courage to receive.
It’s a strength, not a weakness.

And by letting others into your life,
you give them and yourself the opportunity to create real connection.

I will go back to school tomorrow and slide the phone number of the boxing coach into his pocket …
and put him back in control,
so he can decide on his own terms if he would like to hear more about the training or not… whenever he is ready.

And I pray that he will take it. Because he deserves it.