1. When someone finally asked “Who Is There for You?”
2. The turning point … What Changed
3. Core Values (and how trauma twisted them)
4. Living my true values again
5. The power of alignment and boundaries
6. Why I’m telling you this … About masks
7. The children who hide in plain sight
8. The beauty of neurodiverse friendships
9. What I wish for everyone
10. Come back home

TL;DR: It’s time we all come back home to who we are.

For years I wore masks — until I lost sight of who I was. Trauma, expectations, and the need to fit in buried my core values of authenticity, connection, loyalty, courage, justice, and creativity.

In unlearning the masks, I found myself again — and I saw the same story mirrored in the children I work with.
Many are masters of pretending, hiding pain to survive in systems that don’t understand them.
When we let children be themselves … neurodivergent, sensitive, imperfect … they rediscover joy, belonging, and strength.

You don’t know me (yet). But you will, if you choose to.

I am the best example of the two sides that can happen if we teach our kids to wear masks. Let me tell you my story. But this is not about me. When you read this, maybe you will find yourself in it, if you have been through trauma or are neurodivergent.

And if not, you may be able to understand what will be waiting for your child on the other side — either this way or that. And you can prepare. So please bear with me reading this. I know it is long but hopefully worth it…

One day a friend asked me this: “You are always there for everyone. But … who is there for you?”

This question hit me really hard back then. First of all because I didn’t have an answer, but also because no one had ever cared to ask me this. And I was thankful for this question, because it forced me to think…

It took me months to find an answer.

Back then I would have said… no one. God.

Now I would say… so many.

You see, back then I was alone because of several things that hit all at once. But it was ok for me because there is power in being alone. You learn a lot when you are ready to sit with yourself and have a good, deep look at yourself without distractions.

It is painful, yes, but liberating beyond words.

And even knowing all the pain that comes with it… I would make the same choices again and again.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗜 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲?

I stopped caring about the opinion of other people. I stopped trying to control their perception of me. Because in the end you can be the best person on planet earth and somebody will still have something to say. People judge so fast.

And they rarely ever ask for your side of a story. They just need something to talk about. And the beauty in this is that it has nothing to do with you. It’s just a reflection of their own inner and outer life. It’s none of my business if they project their stuff onto me. I know who I am. I know what I did and didn’t do. I also know what I’m worth. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. Why do I swim oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump over a puddle for me?

I stopped hiding and became myself again. 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥.

At the same time I learned to set boundaries and not let everyone and their goldfish into my life. I get to pick now.

The connections I have made in the past few months alone… are powerful.

𝗠𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗮𝗹𝘁𝘆, 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲, 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆.

And they have always been. Just that with the years of trauma and trying to control the perception of people, they got covered under masks and they flipped against me.

– 𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 turned into hiding, wearing masks, pretending I was fine, and reshaping myself to be who others wanted me to be.

– 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 turned into people-pleasing and over-giving just to keep relationships alive.

– 𝘓𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘺 turned into staying where I should have walked away years ago.

– 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦 turned into enduring pain far longer than was ever healthy.

– 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 turned into fighting battles that weren’t mine… trying to fix and save everyone, even those who never wanted to be saved in the first place.

– 𝘊𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺 turned into inventing worst-case scenarios and running disaster reels in my mind in the hope to anticipate the worst and somehow prevent it.

But now I’m living them openly. And who can keep up is welcome. And who can’t… welcome to continue your path alone.

I used to accept toxicity as if it was normal – from friends, society, and even family.

Once I set my boundaries, magic happened.

There were people who left, which was a huge relief in the end.

Others left and came back healthy…

others, especially family, learned how I function and respect my choices and treat me differently according to my needs and wants now.

𝘔𝘺 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦…

𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆… this is who I am and I will not discuss this any longer.

𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻… I give love and care freely to whoever needs it and deserves it… and I choose who that is.

𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆… helping children and adults alike in different ways than “normal.”

𝗟𝗼𝘆𝗮𝗹𝘁𝘆… I stay with the right people and fight for them and next to them. Every obstacle on the way just strengthens the bond in the end.

𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲… I stand with those who can’t stand up or speak for themselves. But again, I choose who that is, and if I don’t get asked, I don’t get into it. I have other things to do.

𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲… I’m not shrinking anymore. I’m standing up for myself and others, and I’m not scared of the downsides of it.

𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘯.

Doors open in ways that you would have never believed.

People and situations enter your life you could have only dreamed about – because you are aligned with who you are inside and your mission once you stop all this fake.

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦?

But it took me a long time and a lot of unlearning and a lot of challenges until I realized what was going on and until I brought up the courage to change all this.

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲… 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳.

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴? You are an adult, you know about masks. You may not be aware of all the masks you are wearing though.

We get so good at it that we fool ourselves. So what about the children that are starting to learn to mask.

I was asked by a school to intervene with a few children. When we talked about the structure of the school I was told…

“We screen all the kids beforehand so we dont have any.” How often do I come across this from admins in different schools.

It makes me laugh because you can’t really screen anything. By Year 5 or 6, you will see symptoms getting less in many of “those kids.”

No, they didn’t go away. They are just getting internalized if they aren’t already.

It takes forever to diagnosed kids. You will not find it in a 15 minute conversation in the office.

Those kids are masters in masking. You won’t see anything unless their special needs are severe. Your school has 350 students. The 5 names you gave me are not it. After 2 months of me being in the school, the list gets extended to more than 40 names… and Im not done yet at that point. They are hiding and suffering in silence.

And if not seen, this response will carry on until the day they die unless they learn what’s happening and unlearn their masks.

Parents tell the teachers they don’t want their child to be treated differently or to play with others that have ADHD or autism. And I understand their concern.

𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗶𝘀 … those are exactly the ones you want to play with each other. They are the ones who need each other… either one balances the other out or holds up a mirror and they grow together.

The structured brain gives grounding, order, a container… so the happy puppy feels safe enough to just be.

And the happy puppy brain brings playfulness, spontaneity, lightness… so the structured brain learns to loosen up, take risks, enjoy life, and not get stuck in rigidity.

Both are things, they can’t learn and keep by themselves.

They have more patience with each other because they know how it feels to be judged. They come from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand the other.

On the way they learn… “we may be different and yet somehow similar. We can do this together.”

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴.

– They learn 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯… to soften toward others’ struggles, because they’ve been there.

– They learn 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦… that it’s okay to get back up after making mistakes, because they see their friends do it too.

– They learn 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮-𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨… because they figure out together how to make things work, even when their brains work differently.

– They learn 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴… to explain what they need openly, and to ask what the other person needs — and often better than adults do.

– They 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 and start seeing it as interesting, even valuable.

– They find 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴, and celebrate each other in a way that feels safe.

– And they 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴 because they have someone who gets it.

They have a lot less to mask if you just let them be.

One mother told me about her 16-year-old AuDHD son… that he doesn’t have any social struggles and loves being with his friends.

He added that he often hears about people talking about social exhaustion and that he doesn’t have that at all.

I laughed… because I know his friends: they all have ADHD or autism.

So I told them it’s normal. Because he is surrounded by others just like him. So no energy wasted on pretending anything.

And I’m happy for him about this.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲:

– That children (and the grown-up children they become) find their way back to their true selves.

– That there is space for authenticity, where masks are no longer needed.

– That trust is rebuilt… trust in themselves, and in the people around them… so they know it’s safe to try, to fail, and to grow.

– That they understand they are already enough, just as they are, and that nothing external can measure their worth.

– That their pain becomes potential, a source of strength instead of a life sentence.

– That they know they belong… not despite their differences, but because of them.

– That we change the narrative together, so society stops breaking children and adults for daring to think differently.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤… 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.

𝗦𝗼… 𝗻𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗲! 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞!