He showed me something like an identity card with Korean writing and “Taekwondo black belt 1st Dan.”

He told me that in Taekwondo they have something similar to kata, which is called poomsae. When he got his black belt decades ago, he had to perform in front of a committee of 10 judges from Korea.
Then his papers were sent to Korea, and from there he was issued the black belt certificate. He said he feels that now belts are given for free and people are not working for it anymore.

I held the card in my hand, fascinated by the Korean letters and official stamp. It reminded me of a boy whose mum told me that he had trained karate in Spain, and once a year the club flew a respected sensei from Japan in to hold the belt exams.
Then they moved to this country and didn’t find what they were looking for anymore.
I knew exactly how they were feeling, because I, too, am not finding what I’m looking for here.

I am not writing this article as a master of martial arts. I write it as a student who trains and watches others every single day.

My own journey with this question started long before that card…

My journey started when I fell in love with kata. At that time, I knew karate and I wanted to learn it. I didn’t know there was a distinction between kata and kumite.
At first, I was hesitating to focus on kata because I wanted to kick and punch like everyone else, as it looks so impressive.
But then I found what I had been looking for, for what I believe all my life … the body, mind, spirit connection!

When I was able to focus and breathe, become aware of myself in my body and mind, it felt like the outer world became insignificant.
And yet I noticed that for most of the other students, they didn’t share this feeling.

I’m training mostly with children around me, and I have spent most of my life researching the mind and the body, having taught myself Tai Chi basics and breathing techniques… I didn’t come from nothing. So I kind of expected to be taught the “triad: body, mind, soul.”
But children don’t have this baggage and expectations when they start karate.

The past year, I spent my time going around different clubs to train and to watch different approaches and other students: the way they move, the way they behave during classes, how they are during competitions…
Having been to different martial arts clubs, observing students, I figured most of the coaches are not focusing on teaching or even talking about the mind or breathwork, let alone the body-mind-spirit connection.
The kids are taught to hit and punch, and on the side they get a remark about breathing if they are lucky.

Some coaches tell me they just teach the way they have been taught; they are not aware. Others are aware, even very much so, but they feel like they have no choice. They had to move away from traditional karate because they feel that the mindset of the new generation is not open to this.
I often hear coaches being frustrated about the behavior of the kids, the mindset they seem to lack, the lack of discipline, motivation, standards… and the list is ongoing.

It makes me sad because the very part that truly transforms people… the inner work… is quietly disappearing.
When you learn about the history of different styles, there has never been a separation of the body and the mind. It has always been one. You cannot take half a system and expect the results of whole traditions… whether old-time warriors or modern elite athletes.

And maybe the question isn’t whether children are less disciplined or motivated. Maybe the question is what we are teaching them to connect to.

From my own experience, I turned children who didn’t care one bit about karate into kids that suddenly got interested.
I have had kids who told me they already tried karate and found it boring. Parental expectations, or sometimes the absence of them, also play a role.

But I needed some of the kids under my care who suffered from trauma to learn some concepts of karate for their mental well-being as the usual approaches didn’t work with them.

They have been told to do meditation and mindfulness in order to stop overthinking.
One girl told me they were taught the 5-4-3 method (find 5 things that are green, 4 things that are round, etc.) and she couldn’t understand why it wasn’t helping her stop spiraling with her thoughts. So instead of helping her, it made her feel even more like a failure and like something is wrong with her.

Now, personally… nothing would make me run faster than the words meditation and mindfulness. Think about it. Who wants to sit calmly, letting thoughts pass, when I’m already sitting 10 hours at a desk at school and at home each day?

You can’t beat a thinking mind with more thoughts. It adds to the internal dialogue and deepens the spiral. You need to regulate through the body first so that clear thinking will become possible again. But nobody is telling you this. So I needed them to learn this!

I do agree with meditation and mindfulness, though, bringing you back into the present moment. However, what is often overlooked is that meditation does not always mean sitting still with crossed legs and saying “omm.”
We talk about different forms of meditation, for example movement meditation and something called sensory mindfulness. And those are a different story.

This is body first. Only then does the mind become clear enough to think properly.

Kata is movement meditation if done right. And here is the key point… if done right!

So I really wanted the kids to learn a combination of kata, breathing, and body awareness to teach them internal power… but I had no idea how to get anyone interested in this, especially since my kids are more on the active side and had martial arts experiences they didn’t like.

I talked to one of my coaches and asked for advice. He has worked with neurodivergent children before, and he simply told me…
“Don’t call it what it is. You name it the way the kids and parents want.”

Let me show you what I did with them and then explain to you why it worked and why it was so powerful.

Some of my ADHD and trauma kids asked me how they can stop this overthinking that makes them spiral down into dark places. So I took this as a chance and took them to a karate place where I have access, so that it looks official and not just like the school yard or an empty classroom.

I first let them discover the place, warm up… and then we did the following:

Step 1: First, I let them punch without instruction. Then I asked them how they felt. They said, “normal.”

Step 2: I asked them to take a stance. Legs shoulder-width apart, feet facing forward, steady in the ground. Imagine your spine growing longer, like a dragon tail anchoring you to the ground. Your butt is tucked in, your abs firm.
Now concentrate on your inside. Where do you feel heavy? Where do you feel your muscles?

Step 3: I had them punch again in this state and asked how that felt. They said, “stronger.”
I said, “stronger … but not quite there yet.”

Step 4: Stay in that stance. Lower your head to around 45 degrees and look down at the floor. Keep your head in this position, but look up with your eyes. Only move your eyes, not the head. You should be able to somewhat see where your eyebrows start. Now fix a point on the wall. This creates a somewhat angry look. It’s not… it’s focus.

Lift your chin a little. Your gaze should still be strong but soften a little. So you will not look angry anymore but determined and focused… clear.
How do you feel?

Then again punch. How did it feel this time? “Stronger than before.”
Where did you feel contractions… where did you feel what?

Step 5: Now let me show you some breathing. Put your hand on your belly, not your chest. I want you to breathe in twice through your nose. If your shoulders lift, notice it and adjust. If your belly is moving under your hand, you are doing it right. Breathe out.
Now where do you feel your breath?

Then repeat 2 breaths in through the nose and breathe out through your mouth in one long breath as if you want to make a mirror foggy. That part is very important.
Where do you feel what, and what does it feel like? How does it make you feel in your body?

Step 6: Back to the stance, muscles tight, focus point… left arm stretched out in front, the right arm tugged to the side; make light fists, karate style.
Two breaths in, and while we breathe out, we make a slow punch with the tugged arm to the front. The breath stops when the punch is complete.
At the same time, the stretched-out arm goes back to be tugged to the side.
Repeat with the other side. Repeat a few slow punches. Keep the focus.

After a few slow punches, change to a fast punch, rotating your hip a little and breathing out strongly.
How did that feel? They looked astonished and said, “Powerful!!!”

Step 7: Good. Now repeat, and where do you feel what?

Once done, ask them how they feel after this.

They came out of the session very relaxed and laughing and at ease. They keep on asking me when we can do it again.
Step 1–7 took us around 10 minutes.

They learned that power is not external. It is internal and accessible anytime they need it. They discovered they can change their state.
Power is neurological before it is muscular.
It creates body awareness, emotional containment, a felt sense of strength, and here is the big one: they learn that power is something they can enter by choice and don’t have to wait for it to magically appear. And that realization alone changes identity.

What actually happened in those ten minutes?
I moved them through four layers of power access: identity, nervous system regulation, proprioception, and embodied cognition.

Stage 1 is the baseline state: unconscious movement, low awareness… this is how people go through life.

Stage 2 is structural alignment: activating the body’s stability system.
Strength is not created in the arm or the leg. It is transferred through structure. The nervous system perceives stability and allows greater muscle recruitment.

Stage 3 is eye focus and head position, activating the brain’s threat/focus circuitry.
This shifts the nervous system into an alert state, high motor readiness, and increased neural drive to muscles. Strength increases instantly, not from muscles, but from the brain allowing muscles to activate.
The brain basically removes internal safety brakes. This is why fighters and elite athletes use gaze intentionally.

Stage 4 is breathing, activating the diaphragm… the body’s primary breathing muscle and core stabilizer.

And when posture, gaze, breath, and movement were synchronized, the system became coherent. The brain, nervous system, and muscles acted as one. And that is what the kids described as “power.”

Before any of this worked, there were prerequisites…

First, I did not call it karate, body-mind-spirit connection training.
I called it what they needed to hear. In my case, it was their need to stop overthinking.

If you are a coach, it may be something like…
Do you want me to show you how to punch even harder?
Do you want your movements to become more precise to be more efficient at competitions?
Let me show you how the old warriors trained and why they were so strong and defeated everyone!
Do you know the story of Miyamoto Musashi?

Tell them how the famous warrior Miyamoto Musashi trained not just his sword, but he studied rhythm, posture, timing, and even painting and other arts to sharpen his perception.
The old masters like him understood something we risk losing: technique without awareness is incomplete.

Sit, everyone, I will tell you about the amazing warrior… Children love stories, see things acted out, and need to see things in front of their eyes … alive. Storytelling or showing the bunkai of a kata in real situations makes everything vivid and relatable. Children are not abstract thinkers.
Find what motivates them, tell stories, show them, and use it.

Some might see this as clever framing. I see it as responsible coaching. Students often focus on what feels exciting or immediately rewarding, while the deeper foundations remain invisible to them.

As coaches, you understand those foundations. Wanting and needing are two different things as you know.
You are presenting facts and truth in a way that can be received. Once students experience the difference in their own body, they are able to consciously choose which way they want to go, whereas before they had no choice because of a limited view.

Another thing that is crucial is connection comes first!
In order to create a good connection, the child needs to feel respected. It needs to feel safe. It needs to feel cared for.

You create that through consistent behavior. Doing what you are saying. Being predictable. Being comforting in times when needed. There needs to be a good balance.
Often we have the tendency to be either too strict or too easygoing. Neither way is the most efficient.

Being too strict makes them abide by your rules, yes, but not because they understood them, but because they are afraid of you. And once you are not there or you just turn your back, you will see them fall back into old patterns. The goal is to make the rules part of their identity, not just when we are around, but for good.
On the flip side, pretending you are their best friend makes them lose respect for you, and they will start dancing on your head sooner or later.

Children need balance. There are times when we laugh and joke, give hugs and high fives, and then there are times when we focus and need to be disciplined.

Children need boundaries. They need you to guide them in this world. They are kids. They don’t have a frame of reference to take certain decisions on their own. At the same time, they have to learn autonomy. And sometimes all that looks like tough love.

I’m always told you are so nice. I tell them I’m not nice. I’m kind. There is a difference. Nice is when you tell people what they want to hear so they feel good about themselves and they will like you.

I’m sorry, I’m not that. I care so much about you that I want you to grow, and I will tell you when you screwed up.
But then we talk about it, get over it, and continue our connection. Whether you decide to act on it or not is your choice, but at least I made the situation visible to you.

Conscious choice becomes possible. Otherwise, it’s not a choice.
Anyone working with children carries this responsibility. Extremes have never been good. Balance is the key-

And especially for neurodivergent and trauma children… when they have found a place where they feel safe and respected, their system reorganizes… they will do everything not to lose the trust and connection. Because they so rarely get positive connections.

You will see a lot less disruptive behavior and a lot more cooperation. They will even help you in all the ways possible. They will want to help coach others, they will tell others to stay calm, they will be the most loyal children you will ever see.
But you have to earn that trust.

And you show that through consistency, truth, reliability, predictability, listening to them with an open heart and mind, caring and asking about them.

A kid told you they got a new cat? Next time you go to them and ask them, hey, how’s your cat doing?
They did a good kick last time? Next time tell them, remember the kick? That was amazing, can you do it again?

Creating connection is simple. It doesn’t require twenty-minute conversations. Sometimes it’s one sentence. A remembered detail. A calm, acknowledging look. A “well done” that is actually meant.
And this is exactly where many coaches underestimate what is already happening in their dojo.

Because the moment a child feels seen and safe, something changes in them. Behavior shifts. Focus improves. Loyalty appears. Cooperation increases.
And often, that child is not “difficult.” That child is neurodivergent or carrying trauma.
You may already have more of them than you think.

When I ask coaches about training ND kids, either they tell me no thank you, or they give me advice based on a very narrow and extreme understanding of neurodivergence.
When you mention the word autism, they imagine a child that can’t speak and bangs their head against the wall. When you mention ADHD, they imagine a child climbing up the walls and you find them hanging under the ceiling.

But what if I told you… you already have them in your groups. And you don’t just have 1 or 2 of them. If you include undiagnosed ADHD and autism, learning differences, high sensitivity, and trauma exposure, depression, anxiety, the percentage becomes much, much higher than most assume. You just don’t know that you already have them.

Because oftentimes they are invisible. They learned to mask their real identity. Some simply don’t have strong symptoms; for many, it’s even karate that makes the symptoms almost disappear.

ND and traumatized kids automatically gravitate towards martial arts for several reasons. And I talked about this in previous articles.

And did you know… that many elite athletes actually have ADHD? And many of them will tell you it’s exactly because of their ADHD why they got so high:
Hyperfocus, passion, risk tolerance, fast reaction time, emotional intensity, resilience, pattern recognition, physical restlessness that translates into stamina and training volume capacity, creativity under pressure…

So yes, it may bring its challenges, but they can be dealt with, and in the right environment, some of its traits become real assets.

You as coaches are sitting on untapped potential without knowing it.
And if you would know, you could use their strengths specifically to make them move into the right direction on all the levels of their lives.

Traditional martial arts were never only about technique. They were about shaping human beings. If we remember that, if we teach with awareness, connection, and structure, we are not just building stronger fighters, we are shaping identities.

The question is not whether these children are capable. The question is whether we are willing to see what is already in front of us.

When I held that black belt card in my hands, I wasn’t just thinking about tradition. I was thinking about responsibility. Tradition is not in the certificate. It lives in how we teach and pass on our knowledge. And that is something we can choose every single day.

Remember… a diamond in the wrong hands is just a stone.
In the right hands, it can become extraordinary.

Small PS.: I’m in the middle of a certification in applied sport psychology / performance psychology. Keep your fingers crossed for me!