How people process thoughts differently
From chaos to coherence
External processors … The talkers
Internal processors … The quiet thinkers
When the two worlds meet
Why misunderstandings happen
The boy who needed translation
You don’t need fixing … You need translating
Even trying is enough
The bakery story … Speaking without words

𝐌𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫.
Just like you have translators for languages, I often feel like a translator between children and adults … but mostly like a translator of emotions and logic, energy and feeling, between the inner and outer world of people.

𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒.
Every day, I hear people complaining about him or her talking too much.
Have you ever noticed that they are not always talking too much?
At times they are extremely calm, and other times extremely talkative.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐞, 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬.
While we understand that people think differently, many still believe everyone processes thoughts the same way … just with different outcomes.
But in reality, we already process thoughts differently.

𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐃𝐇𝐃, 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬, 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲.

Speaking out loud, or even writing, is a way to organize thoughts.
Verbalizing helps untangle emotions and connections (as there are so many happening in the brain for this profile).
It clarifies what you actually believe or feel …. it helps move from chaos to coherence.

People often think when somebody talks out their first thought out loud, that this is the truth. Like a child blurting out something.
But that’s not true. The head is just literally so full of thoughts … whatever gets associated first will come out.

It doesn’t mean that this is what the person believes.
It’s just the first thought that appears.
And once they can process the others, they may come to the real one.

External processing … the talkative ones … is linked to strong linguistic intelligence, rapid associative thinking, and emotional depth, because speaking helps regulate and process feelings.

𝐎𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 … 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 “𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲.”
They stay quiet, listen, absorb everything, and only speak once they’ve fully sorted through their thoughts.

Sometimes it feels like they are distant or withholding, but in reality, they are still thinking … just inside rather than out loud.
Internal processors often need time alone to make sense of what they feel.

They don’t respond immediately … not because they don’t care, but because they don’t want to say something they’ll later regret.
Neither is better.
They’re just different styles of thinking. That’s all.
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The interesting part is that, often when it comes to neurodivergent or traumatized children (or grown-up children), if I’m talking too much to you, it’s actually a very good sign … it means I feel safe enough around you to trust you with my raw thoughts.

But if you are an internal processor, you may feel overwhelmed when someone “thinks aloud,” because you experience that as too much input while you’re still trying to find your own clarity.

People often feel overwhelmed when that happens because they think they have to listen to everything and have a conversation about it.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠…
I don’t actually expect you to listen to everything I’m saying word for word.
Just pretend you are interested…
Don’t give me advice.
Don’t try to fix me.
𝐼’𝑚 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑒.

I just need to hear myself talk to make sense of my own thoughts.
And while I talk, I usually figure things out on my own.
And when I don’t, I’ll ask for your ideas.

All I want from you is to listen, be the safe place, don’t judge, give space, and 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 … 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭.
It’s literally any thought that can cross a mind.

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, they need you to give them space and time to process in their own world.

Don’t pressure them.
Don’t take their silence personally.
Don’t fix them … they don’t need fixing.
Just understanding.
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𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲:
You think those two types are opposite … which they are … 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑠ℎ.
And they can… unless you have your dictionary with you and understand each other’s needs without trying to “fix” the other person’s way of thinking.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 … 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

Emotional speaking meets containment.
They complement each other.

You speak to find your truth, they stay quiet to protect their truth.
You process through connection, they processes through retreat.
You give words … they give space.
You learn to pause … they learn to open.
You teach them emotional language and connection.
They teach you stillness and inner reflection.

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞.
You both want harmony, not conflict.
You both want understanding.
You both want safety.
You both want love and connection to last.
Same intention … just different expression.
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It often makes me sad because every single day I see misunderstandings happening between people.

You see the same story unfold on the outside … but if you ask both parties what happened, they will tell you the same story with completely opposite meanings.

A child is looking for reassurance.
The adult is seeing it as: “He wants to set me off.”
𝐴𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒. At least trying it!
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𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞.

Do you remember the boy I talked about a while ago … the one who was about to get kicked out of school?
I was just told that ever since I sent out a letter to all the adults in contact with him … including the cleaning ladies, the security guard, and supervisors …. he hasn’t been in admin once for the past month.
As opposed to five times a day before.

I told everyone else around him the language he speaks.
And once they understood, they could meet his needs.
It wasn’t that hard in the end.
You don’t need to change people … you just need a dictionary.
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𝐒𝐨, 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐱 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
Why should I?
You need to be you.
Your mind and body are made like this.

Trying to make a person into something others want them to be is like pressing an orange into the mold of a lemon and wondering why it still tastes sweet inside.

𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒.

I just need to write the dictionary … so that there is understanding and space for each other. 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛 “𝑦𝑜𝑢”.
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And then there’s something else to understand for all those oranges and lemons out there who are afraid of rejection.

Not everyone can like oranges …. and that’s fine. It’s not just fine. It’s needed. It has to be that way.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.
Imagine if everyone in the world ran behind you!

We 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡, and we have to be compatible with specific people … not everyone.

The secret is in finding 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 specific people … the ones who try to write a dictionary for you 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭, 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐫𝐲.

𝐵𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒.
Trust that the right people will come to you.
And don’t be sad for those you lose along the way.
It’s a gift … to yourself.

𝐷𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑔𝑜 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑐𝑒.

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𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 … 𝐈𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲.

𝑀𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒, 𝑑𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛. 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜 0 𝑡𝑜 100.

How does it feel for people who speak a language most others don’t, when they come across someone who does understand them?

𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞.

I was in a bakery and saw two men, both working there, speaking sign language
Both their faces were serious. Even when they parted, the man with the hearing impairment stayed very serious.

He saw that nobody came to serve me, so he came over … no smile, no expression whatsoever.

I’ve always been interested in sign language. I never really learned it, but I did teach myself some signs when I was teaching English to preschoolers, and a few stuck.

So I signed “hello” and “how are you?”
His face changed within a second.
His eyes got big and lit up, and he had the biggest smile.
His hands started moving quickly, signing back … I had no clue what he was saying.

I made him understand that this was where my signing skills ended.
He laughed, and we used gestures instead to communicate.
He was so delighted that someone tried to meet him where he was … to use his language, even it was beyond clumsy.
And even when I left the shop, I saw him going back to work with a big smile.
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𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛’𝑠 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒 … 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑡’𝑠 𝑎 𝑠𝑝𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛, 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙, 𝑜𝑟 𝑏𝑒ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒 … 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑔𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 … 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 … 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞.
The world doesn’t need more people who fix others or try to convince everyone that their side is better.

𝐈𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬 … 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧, 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦.