TL;DR:
Behind every “difficult” child is a story waiting to be heard. When we stop judging and start truly listening, we find not defiance — but deep pain, unmet needs, and incredible potential. The children who are hardest to love are often the ones who need love the most.


Sometimes I wish we would take more time to really listen and not speak. And by listening I mean listen to understand – not to answer.

I’m often called into schools for one or a few children that are “impossible to deal with”. Admins, teachers and parents are at a loss.

Interestingly enough … until now … I could never confirm the things I was told about those children.
So far, whenever I had the possibility to connect to the child one on one, create connection and listen to their side of the story …

I discovered the most amazing personalities underneath the whole story that I will never forget as long as I live.
More often than not I end up crying myself after such meetings ….

Because I feel them.

I can feel their frustration.

I can feel them feeling lost.

I can feel them confused.

I can feel them being desperate.

Desperate to be accepted for who they really are inside. Desperate to understand why people do or say things they do. Desperate to understand the world that seems so cruel. Desperate for being loved despite their flaws.

I can feel their hopelessness.

I can feel their non existent self worth.

I can feel their non existent self confidence.

I can feel their walls that they built around for protection so they wouldn’t get hurt and so they wouldn’t be left alone.

I can see amazing children full of ideas and understanding of the world. An understanding that some people at the age of 70 do not reach. Some may never see it.

And yet, when you tell them how amazing their way of thinking is, they don’t believe you.

I’m constantly told “You are saying that because you are just a nice person.” I’m telling them that I’m not as soft as I might look. I say it because it’s true. But they won’t take it.

Funny enough they believe you straight away when you say something critical.

They call themselves stupid and lazy and not worth my time. Some ask me why they are still alive… most tell me that they can’t be helped.

And yet … I do. Sometimes it takes me many months to get them to see some of the amazingness that I see in them. It takes a lot of patience. A lot of listening. A lot of not judging. A lot of understanding. But it is so worth it.

Those are the children you see in your classrooms and at home … the ones labeled as defiant, the class clown, interruptive, hyperactive, always pushing buttons.

The ones that are the hardest to deal with, are the ones that need your love the most.

And if we take the time to listen – truly listen – we’ll see something else. Not problems to be fixed, but children longing to be seen, heard and understood. And then, everything begins to change.